Some things worth knowing...

Life advice you definitely won't find in any agony aunt column

Me back in 2016, when I was editing Cosmo. Things I wish I’d know back then? That these shoes were completely incompatible with my lifestyle

When I was 23 I got a job on a magazine, read largely by women in their 50s and 60s. These were wise women; women who had made it to the other side beauty, the other side of menopause and often, the other side of marriage. By the time I wound up there, I’d only ever had one boyfriend and was still eating cereal for dinner. What did I know about life?

Still my main job, besides ensuring that all writers’ invoices were paid on time (they never were, a fact for which I am eternally sorry to all those journalists who weren’t paid between 2001 and 2003) was to interrogate these women. Marriage, divorce, empty nests, frail elderly parents…these women told me what was waiting for me at 65 by the time I’d had my 24th birthday. It was a priceless education, and one I had stumbled upon, simply because I took the first magazine job that would have me. 

Thanks to these women, I found out that children are never a guarantee of reciprocal love; that humiliation is about the worst thing you can do to a person and that all decisions come with a cost. They taught me that beauty is a flighty lover and never to be relied upon, and that a teeny tiny bikini always looks better on a bigger body than a big, old tent. But most of all, they taught me that the best lessons in life, tend to be the ones we rarely share. They were certainly never the bits that made it into the magazines I worked on. Why? Who knows? Perhaps they weren’t aspirational enough. Or didn’t fit the angle of the story. Or perhaps, and I increasingly fear this to be the case, we were just too scared to publish the truth. 

I want to change that. I want to talk to you about the things that matter. The big and the small. I want this to be a place where we can have a conversation together, without fear of reprisal or judgement. I want us to talk and agree and disagree and change our minds and positions on things we thought were immoveable simply by hearing new takes on old stories. But mainly I want us to bring up the stuff everyone else is too chicken to bring to the table. And I want us to have fun while we’re doing it. We’ll do it together. There may be drinks involved. And snacks. But most of all, there will be honesty. That, I can promise you.

From now on, this is the main home for my thoughts and writing. I prefer it this way. It means we can have urgent conversations when the time calls for it, as well as long, slow indulgent ones when we fancy a bit of that too. It also means you, yes you, can tell me what to write about. One of the things that always used to frustrate me about magazines was the empty void into which I wrote. Most of the time, I had to guess what you wanted to hear. And in guessing I fear I missed the mark as much as I hit it. 

So here we are, together, separated by nothing more than a computer screen.

I’ll be writing something here every single week. Sometimes I’ll invite other writers to write here too. And if you think yo’d like to write for me, then simply join my writing group and pitch me your ideas. You can find information in all that here. Once a month I’ll also do something I call the Things Worth Knowing List. This will be shorter and less a mediation on a a certain subject and more an information list crammed with cool things I think are worth knowing about. Like which exact room to book in the hottest hotel launch of the year. Or the name of the massage therapist that every beauty editor actually pays for.

There’s also another way of connecting. That’s by becoming a paid subscriber. This is for those of you who want something a little extra. By doing this, you’ll get to play a part at the heart of our community. You’ll be able to share your views, talk to other community members and take part in all my group chats, threads (basically where I start I question like, What’s the best book you’ve read this year? and we all share our thoughts. I’ll also be doing various writing courses throughout the year, everything from How to make money form YOUR Substack to The Science of Storytelling course. On top of this we have a fun Writing Group that happens on the last Sunday of every month (dates are always emailed out in advance and are subject to change occasionally if I am travelling- but don’t worry, we always squeeze one in). This group is for anyone. Sometimes we use the hour to write in silence together; other times we use it as a brainstorming session. It is always fun and filled with lovely, encouraging individuals.

Of course, times are tough for everyone, which is why I’m trying to keep the bits that take me the longest to put together free. I’m also happy to look at giving away a few subscriptions to those who perhaps can’t afford it right now. If you know someone who would really benefit from this, please let me know on my Substack email. Maybe that person is you.

Oh, one final thing. What do I think is actually worth knowing about? Beyond the big stuff that we’re going to dissect together? Well, here’s some starters for ten…

Saying sorry is the most powerful thing you can do in most situations

If you think someone’s dreadful, chances are everyone else secretly does too

A bad anything (job/partner/friend) is always an opportunity to find out something new about yourself

There’s no such thing as ‘The One’. Someone can become ‘The One’ but they are rarely ready made 

Throw away the bikini that you fitted for one summer only. That was the only summer you’ll ever fit it

The most interesting person at the party is always the first to leave

If in doubt, do it

Flannel pyjamas are the world’s most underrated item of clothing

If a woman says she’s just wearing a bit of eyeliner and lip balm, she’s definitely not

If anyone says they just have a ‘fast metabolism’ they don’t eat

Most people’s fantasies are 67 per cent darker than they say they are

You will always learn more from the things you had to fight for than the things that came easily

The secret to public speaking is to realise that no one is paying attention to a word you’re saying..they’re too busy thinking about themselves

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