I’ve written about this from a completely different perspective on my latest Substack. About not being maternal but still having children. And now grandchildren. It might strike a chord for some.
This is such a beautiful take Farrah. So often we as women are set against each other - mothers and childfree - and it’s lovely to read a piece that has neither judgement on either side or justification. Thank you for bridging the divide so eloquently. X
And - my daughter is now almost 17 and I agree - it’s my absolute favourite stage so far. Being surrounded by teenagers is bringing so much life and joy to our home x
As a childless couple (very similar circumstances to you)
I nodded along to all you’ve written. You’ve encapsulated it all so perfectly Farrah…👏🏻☺️ We currently have our godsons staying with us (19 and 16) and they’re a joy to spend time with. The fact that they love coming to see us makes us feel very privileged….
This is beautifully written, Farrah. I have various kids in my life via friends and family. I like how open, curious and fearless they all are - reminds me to loosen the grip and live more freely.
I love this. I do have a child of my own, but he’s only seven, and I also have a nephew, who is 18. When he was young he used to constantly tell me I was boring. As he grew up, we developed a very special bond, and I absolutely love the connection we now have - the conversations about his future, the hearing all about what he and his mates get up to, dispensing romantic advice etc. Being an aunt/godmother/special person in a younger person’s life is indeed very precious. x
What a soothing read, I’m so looking forward to your book. I’m also not a baby person but love the teenage years onwards and love being in my god daughter’s life, she’s 13 and a perfectionist - I see it as my job to keep her curious, ambitious and mischievous.
As well as having a wonderful relationship with my nephews and nieces, I have often found that my friend’s children are able - and often keen - to form a different dynamic with me than with other of their parent’s friends who have children. I am ‘Hannah’ rather than ‘so and so’s Mummy’. I can devote all of my attention to their conversation rather than being distracted by what another child is doing. It’s such a privilege. I am also childless, mostly by choice, partly by circumstance, but am so nourished by these bonds
I loved this piece! As a childless woman of 41, I knew aged 8 that motherhood was NOT for me. I saw my mother work full time, never have a rest, in a terrible marriage to another total child and it looked relentless and unfulfilling to me lol. Not for everyone of course but not for me. I also didn't want to pass on any mental health problems from trauma of my own childhood to my own children. I love children though and my 15 year old niece is the first person I text when I want to do something fun; cinema, shopping etc. We have sleepovers - just last week we did a girls night in and watched 'Idaho, a college nightmare', she shares my morbid curiosity, she loves early 2000s rnb. I am a full time private tutor and love my job - I agree with everything you say. I was an aunt at 12 and looked after them from that age and was always the free, on-hand babysitter which I loved. As a childless woman who thinks motherhood looks pretty stressful and so isn't for me, I still love kids, in fact, more than adults ;) animals and kids, always honest.
This was so well written I subscribed immediately so I can read more. I've actually just had my own child, my first, in my 50s, so up until now I was without. But this still resonates. Partly as I was so late to motherhood (I froze my eggs years ago which is what I write about) I was able to have these relationships with nieces and nephews that were slightly different and wonderful because I had no children. And partly as I was a step-mum in Canada for 6.5 years and that relationship too has changed. Love your writing.
I would have loved someone like that in my own life 💜
Me too Julia. But sometimes that makes it even lovelier to give what you did not have.
It is. But it is not just a sweet feeling. It can be bitter at times too.
Wise words and a wonderful thought for those who are patronising to those who don't have children. 😘
I’ve written about this from a completely different perspective on my latest Substack. About not being maternal but still having children. And now grandchildren. It might strike a chord for some.
This is such a beautiful take Farrah. So often we as women are set against each other - mothers and childfree - and it’s lovely to read a piece that has neither judgement on either side or justification. Thank you for bridging the divide so eloquently. X
Thanks for your wonderful, thoughtful comment (as always!) Anna.
And - my daughter is now almost 17 and I agree - it’s my absolute favourite stage so far. Being surrounded by teenagers is bringing so much life and joy to our home x
As a childless couple (very similar circumstances to you)
I nodded along to all you’ve written. You’ve encapsulated it all so perfectly Farrah…👏🏻☺️ We currently have our godsons staying with us (19 and 16) and they’re a joy to spend time with. The fact that they love coming to see us makes us feel very privileged….
Two teenage boys willingly coming to stay with you? I’d say you’ve done a great job!
This is beautifully written, Farrah. I have various kids in my life via friends and family. I like how open, curious and fearless they all are - reminds me to loosen the grip and live more freely.
Completely agree
I love this. I do have a child of my own, but he’s only seven, and I also have a nephew, who is 18. When he was young he used to constantly tell me I was boring. As he grew up, we developed a very special bond, and I absolutely love the connection we now have - the conversations about his future, the hearing all about what he and his mates get up to, dispensing romantic advice etc. Being an aunt/godmother/special person in a younger person’s life is indeed very precious. x
I wonder how different the conversations with your nephew are to those you will have with your son in many years to come. Or maybe not?
I’m intrigued to find out!
What a soothing read, I’m so looking forward to your book. I’m also not a baby person but love the teenage years onwards and love being in my god daughter’s life, she’s 13 and a perfectionist - I see it as my job to keep her curious, ambitious and mischievous.
Oh how lucky she is to have a Nahid in her life
I was thinking the same about your nephew.
As well as having a wonderful relationship with my nephews and nieces, I have often found that my friend’s children are able - and often keen - to form a different dynamic with me than with other of their parent’s friends who have children. I am ‘Hannah’ rather than ‘so and so’s Mummy’. I can devote all of my attention to their conversation rather than being distracted by what another child is doing. It’s such a privilege. I am also childless, mostly by choice, partly by circumstance, but am so nourished by these bonds
I love the fact you also have a distinct identity in their eyes. That’s presumably down to all the time and effort you’ve put in with them.
I loved this piece! As a childless woman of 41, I knew aged 8 that motherhood was NOT for me. I saw my mother work full time, never have a rest, in a terrible marriage to another total child and it looked relentless and unfulfilling to me lol. Not for everyone of course but not for me. I also didn't want to pass on any mental health problems from trauma of my own childhood to my own children. I love children though and my 15 year old niece is the first person I text when I want to do something fun; cinema, shopping etc. We have sleepovers - just last week we did a girls night in and watched 'Idaho, a college nightmare', she shares my morbid curiosity, she loves early 2000s rnb. I am a full time private tutor and love my job - I agree with everything you say. I was an aunt at 12 and looked after them from that age and was always the free, on-hand babysitter which I loved. As a childless woman who thinks motherhood looks pretty stressful and so isn't for me, I still love kids, in fact, more than adults ;) animals and kids, always honest.
Thanks for sharing Lo. So fascinating and also deeply moving. Being an aunt at such a young age -wow! I have so many questions about this! X
Beautiful xxx
So beautifully described farrah
This was so well written I subscribed immediately so I can read more. I've actually just had my own child, my first, in my 50s, so up until now I was without. But this still resonates. Partly as I was so late to motherhood (I froze my eggs years ago which is what I write about) I was able to have these relationships with nieces and nephews that were slightly different and wonderful because I had no children. And partly as I was a step-mum in Canada for 6.5 years and that relationship too has changed. Love your writing.
Oh I think you should write about this! How fascinating to look back over those relationships now you are a mother.